Of all the things I have lovingly sacrificed to become a mother the thing I miss the most is my memory. Post-partum of nine months and my memory loss is extreme, ” I forgot” is used liberally during each day, I am hoping that my memory returns soon, otherwise the day may come where I accidently leave one of the kids somewhere, or worse I forget to buy wine on the way home.
Let me begin by saying I have never had a great memory, I was often called a ‘goldfish’ and quite rightly there was a reason for this. I remember pre-child days that our house would slowly be enveloped in darkness due to forgetting to buy and replace blown light globes, I recall the laundry in darkness for months until I kicked the washing machine and broke my big toe, although successful I wouldn’t advise this extreme recollection method !
After having my first child I did suffer minor memory loss, but I don’t recall it ever being this bad. The obviousness of my bad memory is compounded by my husband pointing things out to me that I have forgotten. It’s not just my short term memory, it is also the inability to remember the English language or being able to string together a half intellectual sentence, the one thing I have used extensively every day of my life is slowly disappearing. This is the most frustrating thing when in mid ‘spousal’ disagreement the words I need completely leave me, how am I meant to keep up the standard that I am always right, when I can’t communicate effectively!.
In my defence I have had nine months of limited sleep, and am probably suffering from parental exhaustion. On average a six year old can ask up to 288 questions a day, so I guess between trying to explain ‘why rainbow socks aren’t part of the school uniform’, ‘why the cat can lick itself to have a bath and she can’t’ and ‘why my stomach is still big even though the baby is out ( with an innocent little finger poke at it for good measure) things do slip by. I can successfully say that so far I have not forgotten to feed, bath, or clean anything or anyone important, but I do forget about events, items, and turning things off or on.
One example that I am sure my husband loves reminding me of is an invite to a birthday party we recently received . We went to catch up with a friend over from Melbourne, and were mid visit when another friend popped in all nicely dressed and casually mentioned they were off to a kids birthday, after a slight mental delay sudden realisation set in it that this was where we were actually meant to be, we all piled into the car with none of us dressed for the occasion. After receiving the ” Are you serious ” speech in the car, I’m happy to say we were only an hour and ten minutes late, and made it before the cake!.
So I battle daily in the home environment with my current memory loss situation, however in a couple of weeks I return to work, and it may have only been nine months of maternity leave but I can’t remember anything Nurse related. All the tireless study I completed has completely vanished. I have told my nearest and dearest the dates of my first roster so they don’t present. I am hoping it’s one of those situations where you just get back on shift and it all comes back to you. Sadly my one saviour at the moment is a British based children’s medical show that our six year old watches religiously every day, It’s taught me so much. I have also considered on several mad fuelled fleeting moments of re-reading my complete anatomy and physiology book, but I really don’t like reading non-fiction books, and I have forgotten where I put it!
I have succumbed to the realisation that I will probably never fully regain my pre-child brain, and list making is my official new hobby . It has always amazed me how I can forget to buy bread, but I hear a song that I haven’t heard for a long time and can sing it word for word, or I smell a scent that takes me back to a time and place as vivid as if it was yesterday. I wish I could somehow tap into this obviously amazing part of our brain and use it for everyday use, because currently the limbic system, or memory system ( yes, I just had to Google this) in my brain is literally out of order until further notice!