‘I Dream of Jeannie’


I have never had the unwavering desire to possess a superhuman power, I have never wanted to be able to fly, or have x-ray vision (regaining normal vision would be suffice), however lately teleportation seems like an appealing option. If I could just do the ‘ I Dream of Jeannie’ blink and be instantly transported to anywhere in the world it would be miraculous. This would also be the ultimate test for the three individuals left at home, would they cope, or would it be a form of ‘survival of the fittest’ in my absence. I may possibly give this notion a second thought while I happily sipped rainbow cocktails on a private beach!

I was never made aware that putting pen to a marriage or birth certificate instantly made me some form of international tracking device for everybody’s lost crap! Apparently at all times I am meant to know the whereabouts in the house of every piece of clothing, books, toys, infants and personal hygiene items.

The daily unmistakable bellowing of “muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum I can’t find ” can easily be answered from two rooms away simply and with no additional thought to my answer of ” look beside ,or behind you”, with a successful result usually achieved. I silently screamed yesterday when the lost toothbrush that I eventually had to go and look for was on the ground by Miss 6’s foot. I am starting to think there is a secret device in the front door jamb that causes my family to lose the primal ability to look for their own stuff when they pass through it. The realisation that I don’t care that you can’t find your cricket pants has never really been taken seriously, I sure as hell don’t wear them, if they weren’t brought back into the house I can guarantee they are not washed, and can safely say they are not folded up in the draw. Also I don’t care where sunglasses are, I haven’t seen them, I haven’t moved them and for the safety of everyone around me the only glasses they should care about are the ones hopefully on my head that legally enable me to see!

Don’t get me wrong I lose items on a regular basis, but the problem is I have no higher authority to go to, I have to use my own initiative to find my stuff, but I don’t understand why this ‘virtual tracking device’ seems to shut down when I’m looking for my own items!

Then my thoughts turn to the food and nutrition options that may happen in my absence, possibly they would consume the left-over lasagne in the fridge, that I probably should have thrown out a week ago, and all die of food poisoning. Miss 6 would convince her Dad that instant noodles contain all five food groups, and are perfectly acceptable to eat each day of the week, and Master 9 months would attempt to consume the chips and T-bone placed in front of him as a suitable meal alternative, he would definitely give those four teeth that have given us all such grief in the past few months the work out of their short lifetime. However I am not at all concerned for Master 9 months possible malnutrition status for the time I am away, he has this amazing ability to find any food scrap that may have been missed on the floor or under furniture, and consume it before I can check if is food or insect in nature.

I wonder in my absence if they would realise that the constant supply of milk in the fridge doesn’t magically refill itself, and a regular grocery shop is required to ensure there is food in the pantry, opening and shutting the pantry door on a regular basis just to check if a packet of chips will ‘magically’ appear does not actually achieve anything, other than wear out the hinges. The inventory on toilet paper is another priority that may be missed, and there wouldn’t be anyone to answer the distress call to open the door ajar just enough to squeeze a new roll through mid visit!

Being on a “beck and call” shift 24 hours a day 7 days a week is tiresome, and with any form of employment a person’s availability can eventually be taken for granted. Currently being a SAHM I work every public holiday and have no annual or sick leave. I am not compensated for my efforts , and sacrifice my own needs before others, however the power of appreciation and gratitude is the compensation I value. I consider ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ two of the most powerful words in the English language, they should be taught early on in life and should be used on a daily basis, it’s amazing how far they will go to creating a harmonious household.

In conclusion I do feel my three individuals would survive, It would definitely be an interesting ‘fly on the wall’ situation, but they are programmed with the same survival skills as the next person. Miss 6 may go to school with different coloured shoes on for a few days, the cat would be dragging it’s dinner bowl through the house in search of my whereabouts and I’m pretty sure I would be missed once they ran out of clean socks, however regardless of these facts it makes me realise that I am important, I am needed and I am honoured to have such a special purpose in the lives of these three beautiful souls.

However if they could just make an attempt to look for their own crap, it would be greatly appreciated!


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